Heh

When you lie and lie again,that lie becomes a truth,till you forget that once upon a time,it was actually a lie. - Anonymous

I have been so fuckin around with my job.I mean really fuckin around.And it feels so good.Heh heh.Recession times,I should be careful,people say.But I've never felt better.But damn,people have been having work issues all around.Do this.Do that.Not much money.Too much work.Till I heard,R's story.I thought that guy would be having a time of his life.Being the sailorman,that he is,romancing the high seas,visiting countries.Well,dream cut short.Ship gets stuck in the seas,often.He cribs.Sigh,don blame him much.But for us,the better ones,with paychecks.We have it all easy,I speak for meself though.Sit in plush AC offices,licking asses,but paid for it too.Ambitions forgotten,replaced by 'need more money' attitude.I like my mom.She believes in everything superstitious,which is good.Especially cuz i dont beleive in anything.Not even Communism.Or gravity.And then I see the brothers in my family.I supposed to feel insignificant.Undistinguished.Like a peanut,ready to be gobbled up.But heh,I dont.What do we all work towards? Whats next? Better living.Or towards what we really want to be one day. Or or, the future (???).Heh,and the hypocrits that we are,we are ready to sacrifice everything.Livin a lie,thats what they say.What I'm saying is meaningless. But ever been struck by a lightening and still be cool about it.Heh.

Today's Track: The Wrestler (OST) - Bruce Springsteen

Blank Planet

Its 2.14 am.
I wake,I sleep.
It sounds cliched but I am suffering from a certain regular bout of insomnia.I mean,I cant really help the fact that I have to work in graveyard shifts earning that extra bit of moolah.I mean,it really is supposed to disrupt my cycle system.I guess,thats why companies actually lure us to work in the nights,with all the money,of course.Turn us into zombies.Yeh,the living dead.
So,we have this zombie company,which turns humans into zombies,who in turn work for the humans.Its a process to keep the population bomb in control.
o-kay.Damn you,Prez L,I really thought slavery was better.
So,yeh,insomnia.Yes,I wake up in the middle of the morning,when white collar employees rush off to work....which is technically midnight for me.Its a bit complicated.So I wake up.I blink.I wonder why Im sitting on my bed.I blink more.I drink some water.I blink blink blink.And I doze off in my upright sitting position.Just like a horse.
Last weekend,I woke up to find myself sleeping at the base of my staircase.But thats another story called sleepwalking.

Most of it was fabricated.Like crying over the shoulder just to show everyone that I cared.Like talking about sunny days when you actually like the nights.
I need to get a grip.Man,I mean I really need to.Yesterday was a one of those realization days.You fight with your ego and you crave to move on,but then its the voice at the back of me head.A disoriented feeling of being left out,secluded,ever had that? Contorted sympathies roll out and they laugh at the back of me back.The spine had ears and eyes and they listened and saw everything,preferred to keep quiet though.Its cold,like steel,feels cold on th temples.But then,I chuckle to me-self and say "Its summer baby,put on your shades and shield your eyes from the dark warm breeze....".Insecurity,ha!!Kill me,shoot me and I'd rather die without that.
Like turkeys on warm Christmas corn.

As the gloom of the winter sets in and the chilly wind blows goosebumps on you,it brings back memories of a time long lost by technology,hairstyles,adolescence and the entire late 90's thing.

Ektu exhausted laage aajkaal,buro'o hoyechi onek.....thats why old memories be flooding me mind.

Tora calcutta trip'er aar random chobi dekh.Ill try and get a pirated file of Karzzzzzzzz.Tan-tan-tan-tandoori nights...tandoori nights!!!!

Ok,Chumma is out.Officially thrown out by the society people and the watchman,who scoffed at our car.The bitch had it calling for,....went on a rampage with the garbage bins.I liked it though.Especially when our 'pet pup' turned hostile and havoc'ed with the old man's house.After all the milk and the beer it drank,I suddenly miss Chumma .

Everything's been so usual.So normal enough,to freak me out. Sometimes accolades and praise is fun and famous.But then it sorta gets on the nerves.I'm tired of seeing the dumb faces of my office colleagues everyday.I'm tired,done and out.I think of one word nowadays.Escape.To a different city,place or planet maybe.Trip.To somewhere out of reach.Meet.Some people and stories of the world.I wonder if all this depression,failure,pain is bought.But so is the funk we are living under.
We all have dreams.At least,speaking for myself.Then we have inspirational stories,we have those special people,apprehensive-ness,of course.But all that separates is just putting the foot beyond the line of decision and risk.Drive,is what I call it.Dreams,Ive had enough.I just lack the fuckin drive.

So some of these days have been good.As in proper windy winter days.Like waking up early,eating breakfast,watching TV, fucken office,drinking coffee,warm snuggly bed,drinking beer.Im just glad its still pretty chilly cold here in Pune. Maybe,I'm also glad cuz Burger King is so better than MacDonalds.Its wishful thinking to be happy,but what the heck......And mistakes,I'm happy about them,but the blues still exist.
Sometimes I just wish I could just lie on the lawn all day long and think about nothing.
But there is too much going on.

and I need more crayons to just colour it all up..........
I need some booze.I need to turn into a song or a sketch.I need to turn into some random vegetable and be sold off.
I suddenly miss Calcutta and the smell of Park Street and JU.I miss Chumma,as well!!


PS: I am the only Debanuj in Facebook( yaaaay!!)
And there are 25 other Debanuj's in orkut,who either look gay or with display pictures of Shah Rukh Khan.Its a sad fuckin world!

No,the light never gave me away.Nor,did the camera.
The camera was way too focussed on the light.
It was the cards.I had just passed 'em along,you know.
The Ace of hearts.The two of diamonds.The five of clubs.All of 'em.
The bet was the entire game,I guess.Or vice versa.I can't really remember.
As the cigarette ash dropped on the wooden floor and the round of drinks repeated,the bet just got higher.
They said a 3-2-Ace flush can win everything.
All I had left was a half torn card of a King of clubs ,a brand new Queen of Spades and a ten of diamonds.
But outside,its winter already.


Maybe when life aint going the way its supposed to be, stuff like this make us feel better.

So,it gets a bit boring up here.Yes,in spite of watching endless back to back episodes of Scrubs and The Simpsons.So I tune in to news channels.Sometimes,of course.
Its surprising how we never make it to the news channels.I am talking about this piece of news I actually saw on some news channels about how some snake actually ate up a parrot.Ok,parrots can sing.But you know whats news,a snake not only bites or hisses,it also eats.News was just news a decade ago,now its as entertaining as sitcoms.Everything's about entertainment.The same clip of Taslima walking out of some building while Calcutta's supposedly burning.Or how the Big B waved at the camera during his son's wedding.
So,how come we never make it to the news channels.My friend just got out of his deathbed 'cuz of some weird stomach disease and no doc had any clue of it.How come he never makes it to the news....how come that person on the street never makes it to the news....how come the cabbie who drives a raped girl back home never makes it to the news.Anyway,its pointless,to even crib about it.I think I really want to,maybe,forget the news channels like the Saw and the Matrix sequels.And why,god why,there are so many South Indian channels on my Tv.Fuckin' boob tube!
So there we were,wheels rolling on.Almost four days.Sometimes getting drunk.Sometimes sipping on tea on the chilly highway.Music played.The echoing of the waves on the virgin shores.The sound of the blue sea in the shells.An old deserted fort and some dead starfishes.The forest was lively but the strawberry farm burned.
Maybe lost in the romance or maybe in the tranquility of it.We never waited for the summer rain.We just rolled on.The music kept playing.Looking at the horizon,it seemed all clear in the head.All the memories...months,years back.It was all a youthful serenetic hysteria. I know,I should have apologised...you know,should've said "I'm sorry for all this".....and I should have moved on.But the feeling of the wet sand between the toes is far too gripping.

"Broken hearts I can forgive,....Broken dreams,Never"------Hugh Mcleod (in one of his posts)

Eh eh eh!!..
This comes after a certain reconciliation with someone after I was bitched all-around-about by her.almost two fuckin years back.No,not love,in case ur getting a wrong picture.Heh!I mean friend-friend types.Well,did it feel good?She felt good for sure..'cuz she told me so.She even asked me if I hated her...maybe if I hated her,I wouldnt fuckin' talk to her.So why fuckin' bother.Maybe my mojo's working,especially after ignoring a certain large number of people this time in Calcutta.Maybe,some of them are really sorry.Maybe,most of them are shit.Personally I prefer the third option.Anwayy,I was unelatedly diplomatic unlike the reconciled person.
So,it aint really the blues anymore.I'm happy quite a bit.Life aint a bitch really,its a drag.A long cigarette drag,coughlingly soothing.So.It all feels wierd a bit when you travel down that nostalgia lane and realize things you've experienced and missed out.Missed out,eh-eh,huh,my fingers were never enough to count 'em.I still look back on the days and I see.....Some of us,sitting on a rooftop drinking and doing the pot.Another 3 years back,I remember a close friend calling up my schoolboy-crush at midnight and people discussing career options.Rewind a bit more,I see school,I see frolicked immaturity,I see sweaty post-football games,I see the gawking at the uniformed schoolgirls,I see a friendshipped-gang that exists no more.Look back a couple of more years,there were middle aged teachers who were suddenly really hot,there were exams and punishments,birthday parties and colourful streamers,notebooks with blue lines and pencils,maybe crayons too,the family gatherings and ooooh! the fun-animals and the circus shows.Stroll along more,I find the little water bottles and plastic tiffin boxes,my first day at school and I cried,my over-used books,children races and sports,montessori,the children who were taught not to swear.Most learnt it,some didnt,one definitely didnt.
I see my family..the old uncosmopolitan joint family.And suddenly,nothing's there anymore.
And then,I see her.No,no...u're surely mistaken,her,I meant.The crush on her was real.That narrow lane filled with dry leaves,beside the dirty pond changed my life some many years back.
If you were me,you would know what I'm talking about.But you aint me.
Its been years since then.But at 23,we've moved on.
I wonder if it was all worth growing up.Ha!Maybe,never never Neverland.
But at 23,everything's a fuckin' shit aint it..?? Eh eh eh??!!

It was one of those discussions.

Yes,where words just seem to fade away.Go into the horizon.Through the ears.Into all the air around you.And you never seem to catch them.Its not withering.Its just the moodswings and the mindfuckingly drift.Everything seems slow down,sounds become clear.People around you just move far away,the background seems to be distant.The one-sweat-drop trickling behind the ears and the hum.The hum inside the brain.The ringing of the nerves.All that you can follow is the swirling trance of the nicotine smoke.

And then with one blink of the eye,you come back.

Back from the thoughts that has been reverbating and eating you up slowly.Where nothing else matters.Where one thought leads to another.The another leads to idea.The idea brings you to a sea of coloured judgements,beliefs,internal arguements,opinions et al.At the end,its just a myriad haphazard delirium of imaginative figments rushing in you.A euphoric disorientation is what you have been turned into.

And I just apologized for being a bit scatty unmindful .Thats what happened to me.

Anywayy,Mangalore trip was good.I dont feel like talking about it though.

It was just some nostalgic catching up.

3 friends.

Stories of life and the high seas and bosses.

The beach.

A port and a blinking-lighthouse.

Tasty fish-food.

Delicious local chicken dish.

11 litres of beer.

Packets of smokes.

A doctor,a sailor and a corporate whore.

A really long Volvo bus journey.

The Doors,Dylan and Anjan Dutta.

We kinda had it all.The decade felt good but it had passed.

Ohh,and one, ahem..... me!!, trying to be a Captain Jack Sparrow wannabe.

One man to second man: I'm thinking of giving up blogging.
Second man to the one man:But where will your readers go when they need to hear somebody whine about how unfair life is?

I took this one up from one of Hugh McLeod's Blog cartoons.
Ok.I am the 'one man'.I am Psycho The WonderKid.I do keep writing about my daily woes and how I constantly crib and whine about my life.I wonder sometimes if we write blogs to show others how miserable and pathetic we are.And of course take a definite pride in being so.And then pry into others and read personal life blogpost incidents.Maybe some even practice voyeurism.Its all a relative thing.But the entire idea of a blog,I believe, is about the freedom of it.I mean no one can really charge you of criticizing or plagiarism,being imaginative or even cryptomnesia.
Yes,I did start up blogging just for-the-heck-of-it.Actually,I started blogging because a certain someone had once asked me to take it up.No,wait.I started to let out the emotions and dark feelings.I really dont know why I took up this writinn blogs.I did want others to read about what life had taught me.And what it didnt.Mainly,it was the didnt part.I never really learn much.Its like one of those things you get to see on the Saturday late night shows.You get to learn about a new thing and forget it as soon as you .......forget it.Its like an ex-convict never learns about domestic beating.That kind of learning.
I was 30-minute interviewed by some of my senior collegues about how much I should learn and in turn,self-improve by changing habits and being innovative.Innovative,I am.But changing,thats not really happening.Yes,so self-improvement is what most of the people lay stress on.Self-improvement is not rocket-science or a brain-rape.Well,it is a kind of rape.But self-improvement is self-improvement.Thats what everyone does.Trying to get better.And better.And better.Till they eventually think that being better is not really worth it.So lets die.
Its what each one of us do.In our mundane jobs,at house,academics,sports,financially.
I never did understand this term.I mean why improve when that improvement is actually not an improvement.You take the bloody pains of getting to that next level.And when you reach that level,you feel thats you've been stupid about going to that level and that you should have targeted higher.And this goes on and on.
Its just a type of mental masturbation.You realize its futile,but no does really thinks that.Why cant we just stay the same and then let improvement ( or whatever!!) happen to us normally.Hehe! There I go whining again.
Its all a brain-rape sitatuion,aint it.Just like this post.

Bad writing,bad writing!
This is what I tell myself,everytime I write a post.Then I keep looking at the few alphabets I've typed down in my laptop or the office PC.Keep looking at it again.Till blogger.com autosaves it as a draft.Maybe even pondering over the thought of registering myself in Shaadi.com.
I light up once,drink some coffee,stare at the ceiling.At the dusty fan blades.Or maybe at the bright lights in the office.
People just pass by staring and wondering sorts.
"He never works,and yet he gets the prize.Bastard!"
"Ha,the funny little shit is upto his pranks again."
"Should I just peep into his computer and see what he's doing?"
"Look at him,if only I could work half as much as him.He's a personified workaholic"
"Kya baat hai,Debu mereko dekh'ke itna haas kyon raha hai???
"Denge Ra !!!!" (Means "Fuck you,man" in Telegu)
"Hi......................................**sigh**!!!"

The boss comes,I uncomfortably minimize the Blogger window.Look at him with those fake eyes while all he asks me are some meaningless numbers.Damn!Sometimes those dreamy eyes don't help either.I 'restore' the window back.Suddenly realize how Microsoft and Bill Gates have made our lives easier.Maybe.And then think about the bad writing all over again.Ok,lets start over.

You know those times when you listen to a song.You cant get enough of it.So u keep playing it in your mind all the time.Banana Pancakes and Under the Tracks.I'm playing too much of it.Maybe lets Wiki this.No,no bad writing again.

All that lies beneath,all that I can see.Its too dark a world.Too bleak a fate.So at the end of it all,everything still remains a mystery.Unsolved by the sands of time.Or by the winds of change...........................................
*Think more -think more!!! This is definitely good writing,you are getting there*

Some brief scribbled random notes........

• The Carnival was awesome.Its probably the best hippie bar in Pune.

• Omkar,Amrita.Thanks.I had the best bengali food in days.Motton,Kosha Mangsho,Aloo-Poshto,Fish chop,Paabda Maach,Dal-Maamlet.

• I hate the new haircut of mine.I should have stuck to my idea of shaving it all off.But now it looks really weird.I also hate the shirt I wore to office today.But I hate my haircut more.

• They didnt give me 3.7 grands from my salary.Jherechi.Udom jherechi.The bastards.

• I'm logging into orkut,properly,after ages.Actually pretty good.I deleted my entire album.I'm thinking of when to login again properly and delete my entire scrapbook.And then of course my profile.Too much saturated.

• A cabbie talked me into having second thoughts about my religious faith.He gave me an entire 15 kilometer session on how God is important to my life.I made the mistake of telling him on how I didnt have much faith in Him.And I was the slight socially drunk then.

• Why don't I ever take the bus through the University road.Damn!!!

• Yes,Sap and Angshu's call made me a bit nostalgic.I miss good ol' Silver Sands.Or Oly.Dansberg beer.And the beef-steaks.

• And Peter Cat.Sigh!!!

• Most of the people around me like to live in their little boxes of their own.Like believing that whatever they do is correct,not exploring other avenues,not talking risks or beleiving in thinking different.They follow the mob.They never change their views.I just feel sorry.
  

• I have my foreign collegues telling me how beautiful Taj Mahal is.I should go to sleep.

• Go to sleep.go to sleep.G o t o s l e e p ! GO TO SLEEP. gO tO sLEEP.Go2Slp.Goo-too-slip.peels ot og.

Now go!

"Deb,you've changed"
Someone told me that over the phone today afternoon.I'm not the same ol' crazy Deb.I'm the serious matured fuck-up Debanuj.The one who seems to give a fuck to the world around him.I had no reply for what I was hearing.To think of it,yes I have.For some,like my mom,I'll still be Tutai,the kid.For some,like Roy,i'll still the be mysterious chodna Nunku.But for the most others,I'll be the changed one.Maybe not.I really have no clue on how this change works.Time flies.Ye,it always does.It seemed just a few days back,one of my favourite cousins had joined high school.He's almost finishing college now.
And there was that whole myriad of things I went through.Jojo my dog,dadu,my plastic rings,the tunes of childhood,then the school-frolic,the college ego and the as usual corporate whore.I keep looking back sometimes. Especially on Friday nites on the terrace with beer and smokes.
Childhood was the usual one.Playing with He-mans and Gi-joes in a perfect traditional Bengali house was a bit wierd.But then I also did have a stint with the tri-cycles and with squishing orange peels into everyone's eyes.Then came the ranna-bati games and the football.And of course TV and VCR's and lotsa bengali movies.
Bosco reminds me a lot.Bosco gave me the perfect school life.Bawaali,the schoolboy desperation,the stupid classroom fun,mathematics,literature,geography,lots of football again and definitely cricket.Sometimes Delhi.Its probably just sad the terms mean nothing to me anymore.I guess it was just a start.The start was Bosco.
I really cant phrase what college really means to me.I mean I cant say it sucked or it was totally awesome( like KKHH,lol).But if there's one thing I'm nostalgic about the most in my life,its college.I have no reasons.Probably it was the hostel.Or the winters and the rains.And probably everyday we had something new to do.Even it was sleeping or eating or doping or drinking or the trips or even studying during the semester exams were fun.The independence was good.And so was the dependence.Sikkim.
Job life sucks fullstop The short life at Mysore was really the shorgo-dorshon before kicking me to hell.I loved Mysore then.Even the waking up was luxurious.King's life.
Now I have this routined life.Yes,weekends are seriously fun.I'm not complaining about Pune or Bombay.Pune is my-kinda town.But I cant seem to relive the dream of going to the bar to drink a beer everyday after work.Bottomline.Job life sucks.They make me work at night.Dont pay me proper salary.I drink coffee.Make me work like a bitch.And I listen like a bitch.

This post aint as insignificant.
Damn!There I go again.Go fuck off.And they say I've changed.Now gimme that Jack Daniels!
Cya people.Have a great weekend.And Tinky,happy budday again girl!!!!

Ideas and thoughts but no answers!

Its just one of those unusual Saturdays when you dont wanna spend the night drinking beer and swaying to music.This week.Chowki-Dani *check*.Its not just another barren land transformed into a cultural commercial festive abode like Delhi Haat or Swabhoomi.This is defintely DE place if you wanna experience the ethnicity of a Rajasthani hamlet.Body-massage by the fat-mouch'ed pehelwaans.A manual giant wheel.A puppet show.Teer-Dhonuk.Darts.Camels,horses and carts.A Big dong-a-ling with a giant hammer.Mehendi shops.Jotishees and palmists.Pottery art,where you can make your own stuff*I tried making a distorted chillum*.Refreshing Ganne-juice.Rajasthani folklore* I tried dancing*.Crimson doll shops. And of course the ethnic cuisine.
I saw the colours,the tunes,the people,the food.A total cultural harmony.Felt good,for a change.

*****************************************************************************************

I mean why does it always have to happen with me??
*Now bear with me,you've probably heard me saying this a zillion times,but for time's sake,again....*
Love,crush,infatuation,moments.
Why was I chosen to fall for cute girls and not for hot ones?
I'm falling for every other cute,short,plump,straight-hairdo'd girl on the planet...errr...office.
Whenever I see one of those kinds *ahem!* Dil mein..Ektu thump-thump kore.
Ohh yes,I'm watching the DeathNote anime series now.I like it too.Maybe its cuz I'm done with the entire Prison Break series,Friends,Joey,Seinfeld.And I hate Lost.And I hafta gotta catch up with Heroes too.

*****************************************************************************************

I saw "Flags of our Fathers".Another WW-II movie.But Eastwood,not Bruckheimer or Spielberg.Kintu ektu touched holam,cuz of the way it was shown.We never do remember the soldiers after the war.The brutality.The mental pain.They go through.This might not concern many.But I did know someone who died after the Kargil war.And also the fact that I wanted to join the army after my schooling.We salute them.Cheer them up.Vote on whether to go on war.Forget them.Abuse the defense policy of our country.Maybe its time we thought about them,their families.....after the shameless ordeal they go through.

*****************************************************************************************

Ok,now for the second thought.I think I'm getting better at the psychic thing.I mean reading other's thoughts.My skills of deduction have improved.Rishi'ke koto baar murgi korechi!!..I'm turning into being the best.Maybe I should open a Private Investigation Firm.

*Thinking really hard and staring into the space just above the computer screen but...*

Yes,this would ultimately question me about what-the-fuck am I doing in a Company full of nerds and biaaatches and corporate whores and blah-blah-blah!

*****************************************************************************************
ohh...aye! The pirate song for ye ignorant creatures!

"Fifteen men on the dead man's chest--
...Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!
Drink and the devil had done for the rest--
...Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!"

Excitement again!!! *Wriggling my fingers and eyes steamily glowing*

*****************************************************************************************

And I'm suddenly missing Jadavpur and Park Street a lauhoooot!!!

Ok,We can all get funnily lost now!

*****************************************************************************************

ohh PS: *Orkut presents *Today's fortune:

"Good news will be brought to you by mail."

Yaay-yaay!!..It did!!!

:)

Everyone wants to be cool.
Wear cool stuff.Drink cool drinks.Eat cool food.And then hang around with the coolest group.
I tried to be cool a long time back.I thought was the Antichrist till the Y2K bug killed the thought.But ended up being the dork I am.

And then people try and talk in cool language.Like the day M was telling me(with lots of happy smiles) about how she liked to be cool.
"You know those days.I used to party out a lot.The pubs were great.And Boy! I love to dance.Especially those trance hip-hop tracks and drinking those chocolate flavored mocktails.The lights,the music,the hep-crowd.Its awesome.I wish I could party everyday.But you know,the office and work.Last day, the Dj actually came up to me and complemented on my dancing.I even drank one full bottle of Bacardi Breezer.Gives me a pretty nice kick,you know........."
My reaction:"ohhh cool cool,guess what U've just been named the coolest babe of the year!"...(why on earth do I get to make friends with people like these??!!!)

And then of course,how can we forget Mr.Mathews' endeavour of being cool,and shed of his image of being the nerdy guy.....
Wake up!!!.....or go back to sleep and dream about how french-cuts and english movies make you look cool.

Ohh yes,the cool attire.Boot-cut,unregular,stone-washed in patcthes,multipocketed jeans!!...teamed up with of course the sleeveless,bicep showing (macho!for guys) t-shirts with a caption which says "Legalize Marijuana"(And even if you dont smoke,its cool!!!) and a fast track shades.And you can even slip on those 'c-o-o-l' chains like SRK in Kuch kuch hota hai!

And then there's the phase of feeling cool if you are 'into' that hard,rock,death-metal music-loving group!...
Ohh yaa,it is cool to say that you know the names of all the bands that plays in pubs in the evenings....or keep shut and just hum the tune and act as if you hear the song everytime you pee. Its about time I start wondering why we dont have a Bournvita Rock-Fest quiz....!!!
Cuz,as people say, its cool!!!!

So lets list it.......the cool things.....popstars,fizzy-drinks,sporty-shoes which shine,Bajaj bikes which have a BMW logo,Indian Idol,iPods, iPods in different colors and sizes,colorful puke-y mocktails,pop-mordern rock-bollywood music,cell phones which can talk like your mom..or your dog.....I can go on.....but its better you look around you....

......and uncool...???........!!!!.....me,you and all thats associated with us......including that last mug of beer!!!!

Cuz they are cool.....and we are not!!!!


(Sometimes I dunno whether to feel bad about leaving my home and be happy about all the new people I've met [which i love] .............and then the oppurtunities.....the emotions.....they called it life....and i called it my story....which is ending fast........)

Strawberry Fields Forever

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE MAPRO !!!!!!

Its sweet,tasty....its yummy!!....The juices,icecreams,the candies,the chocolate sauce,the jam,the strawberries...

First there was the Wonder Candyworld with the Candyman

And then there was Mapro....and me!!!!

....Boy!!.....I love the place!

:-P

"Let me take you down cause

I'm going to strawberry fields

Nothing is real

and nothing to get hung about

Strawberry fields forever

Living is easy with eyes closed

Misunderstanding all you see

It's getting hard to be someone

but it all works out

It doesn't matter much to me

Let me take you down cause

I'm going to strawberry fields

Nothing is real

and nothing to get hung about

Strawberry fields forever

No one I think is in my tree

I mean it must be high or low

That is you can't, you know, tune in

but it's all right

That is I think it's not too bad

Let me take you down cause

I'm going to strawberry fields .....................

.................................................... "

----Lennon/McCartney,Beatles.

How Calvin influenced me!

To the one who asked me to blog yesterday.
2.30am.A cluster of dead-spring pupil leaves were being burnt on the roadside of the Bombay-Pune highway.The smoke which rose up created a mystic twirling cover on the road.And My pick-up Indica simply unbotheringly drove thorugh it.The smoke did blind me a bit but it somehow opened me to thinking about my life,and I havent yet stopped thinking about it yet.

Karma says every human has their fate pre-determined,pre-written in a pupil leaf which is preserved through the sands of time and which definitely depends on the deeds of the past life.But there are these finite number of fate-situations which means that the destinies of certain individuals clash and it even maintains that there is at least a single duplicate to everything an individual possess.Fingerprint. life-lines. Handwriting. Death-time. Birth-time. bruise-marks.even the DNA structure. IF this is true where does this leave us 'UNIQUE' people.Or being on the selfish note,where does this leave me.
I have no clue.As the people of Nahuroto put it "Nofuckinclue"

So if im supposed to be spaceman Spiff and go into the universe killing every l'il-big unearthly alien and searching for the eternal truth and how its linked to my fate,it would certainly open up a new oppurtunity to explore the mysticity related to my life.but alas!my pupil leaf is torn.Thats what the cards and my palm-lines tell me.So lets see,what would i do about my future...my career...my interests..my love-life...my entertainment...my bli-baa-bhoo's.....
I can turn into a tattoo artist...use the l'il bit of the artistic skills i have... and especially since i loved the life of the guy-who-did-my-tattoo.Its tax-free.Small.Un-complicted.Interesting.Kinda prosperous.And settle down in Bombay or Calcutta or in Athens...perform body art on heavenly bodies.
And then when my artistic skills have been honed enough,i can just take over the role of cartoonist BIll Watterson and create calvin and hobbes on a dialy newspaper.Ive always been influenced by Calvin...its like the comic strip has always been my favorite before Simpsons,Southpark,Peanuts,Batool-de-great,Asterix or The Archies.He's just an year younger to me.But we think on the same wavelength.Thats what entreats me.Everything has a life in it.
He had Hobbes,I had Jack.
He had Susie,I had Reshmi.
He's gross,but so am i,i think.
Pestering childhood.Wierd Imagination.He's 5.Im 23.Sigh!
And when im done with my job of being a cartoonist,maybe i can turn into a pirate like Jack Sparrow and sail the high seas in the Caribbean.
Sometimes I wonder how much did Calvin and Hobbes inscribe into the figment of my imagination.And why?Why did Calvin ever create Spaceman Spiff?Why does he think all adults are alien?Why does he think evil-monsters reside under his bed?And is Hobbes is alter-ego?......I strikingly find similarity in Calvin's personality.
It absofuckinglutely sucks to be normal,cool and hep...for me being wierd,uncool and savvy is more fun!
But then,he's still 5,and im 23 and still growing.
The second sigh!

"...the child,Calvin,is both king and keeper of his own realm,and he can be very choosy about the company he keeps.Of course ,this exclusivity only provokes many gown-ups into trying to regain the serendity of youth for themselves,to,in effect retrieve the irretrievable.A desperate few do things that later land them in the Betty Ford Center.The rest of us,more sensibly,read Calvin and Hobbes "
- Garry Trudeau

But at the end of all....I still go to my IT industrialised office in my pick-up Indica...with my ipod in my ears.....wearing shades....and still looking at the sky...and wondering what shit i should give about my future....

31st December,2006

Dear diary,

I dreamt about a girl today.Liked it.I never really wanted it to end.For once i want my dream to come true(sometime in my life!).Im confused.

Love XXX,

Debanuj