Sometimes,the dreams ,I get ,are so horrifyingly real that they question my very existence.
So,yes.I have not been sleeping well lately. I suddenly wake up with a jolt,wipe of the sweat,drink water and try to get back to sleep,unquenched.
Over almost a month,Ive dreamt not just about human shaped monsters,killer families,betrayals,deja vu, psycho-laughters..............................................
Yet,there is no depression.No stress.
Its like entering into an entirely different realm when I close my eyes.
When I wake up,the sun just seems too bright.
Its like the madman in the local to whom no one would give directions.
Or the beggar who spends his day's earnings to gift his daughter a toffee,no one would sell.
Or the mother,who sits on the footpath,silently shouting for alms,so as to feed her dying son.
Maybe,its the way of balancing out.Give lots to some,and none to many.The scales dont shift.Its a perfect balance.
And yes,everyone still smiles at you while you drift past the withering flowers.
I am not a prophet,but its just not a just world.

A Salman Rushdie,a Cormac McCarthy and "the Million Little Pieces" just cost me a grand.Money would solve most of my problems.As in more money.I remember asking my parents for money before going for trips,before this job.And how easily they gave it without any qualms.Now its more calculated.Check out the cheapest flights.Maybe take the train.Ac/Non-Ac??...And end up going in a 15-hr bus ride.Ive loved every single penny of my parent's money.It becomes really monotonous to earn,spend and realize that you can not live on your parent's money anymore.

Probably technology was the best and the worst thing that happened to this age.People around me are acting way too cool with hi-tech gadgets.Wii's,PSP's,iPods,N-series cellphones.
The Stone Age was the best.Flintstones prove it.You never had to spend any money to eat,drink....women were naked.....there were nightclubs on every mountain.....bars were free.....more women were naked.....There were spears and swords,which are way more cool than guns....Caves were real estates...women would be naked ,even in winters..... Hindus,Muslims,Christians and other blah-blah had sex without cutting off each other's genitals...the Chinese never gave a shit to birth control....and other bloo-bah-bloo.
I really wonder how the world would be if I went some million years back.....
Like people worshipping weird slimy aliens,whenever they popped from the sky....and then every other human behaved like Archimedis,everytime they produced a fire-fall with two stones,riding on Dinos instead of Monster Trucks and shouting Hee-haw!!!...no wait,Dinos never existed then.Ok,Mammoths whatever.
But Im really not skeptical about the other 'ages' as well,like the Roman Era,Medival period,Dark Ages,Industrial Revolution,the World Wars and the holocausts...
(This is where I prove my history is really really weak)
Its just this age.Its not the 'kolijoog' or something.Its just...its too much tech-savvy.Somethings and some people around me are just pissing me off.Not that I dislike everything.Yes,I do have a really sad life story(as Rishi reminds me always) but there are somethings which I've begun to hate.
Ive developed this wierd ego of 'giving shit to whoever gives me shit'.That generally ends up in disliking most people around me.I have become critical about everything including the little girl who tries to ride a cycle.I hate my job,but thats common.Many of my friends with whom I used to have fun in this city have suddenly left this city.The other people who've managed to stay back are too morbid.My friends' big career successes and their fun-filled-life happiness is getting on my nerves.And lately,I've considered visiting a psychiatrist.Bum-Ho!
And what!!I've heard it a million times that I dont respect the country.Just because I think a bit unconventionally.Just because I really dont give a fuck to the retard Indian society.Because I drink and dope a bit.Because I speak English more than Bengali.Because I ape western culture(????).Because I watch more meaningful Hollywood movies rather than the masala Hindi flicks.Because because because......Maybe the people around should take a fucking look outside and change their thoughts about how my generation doesnt give a shit to culture and the country.Cuz it fuckin' does.Take a fuckin look around,people.Maybe 60 years of being a part of India's largest democracy doesnt really help.And yes,how my 'Great Indian 'company,still asks its employees to work on the Independance day,while talking about values,morals and culture.I do respect the founder a lot for starting a great Indian industrial and commerical revolution called Infffffo******.But working for firang clients and acting like a bitch on the country's independance day.C'mon!!and people actually call this patriotic and what my company Inf-uckin-osys has done for the country.Maybe I'm sorry.Maybe I'm not really.I think I'm far more capable of what people say about me.Maybe I'm not.But that doesnt change people for saying what they gotta.I guess some things never change.Not independance day.Or the Indian society and the people.
This is what happens when you work on a national holiday and still get no credits.

This is what defines a madman!!!

I had heard this nursery rhyme about how boys liked lizard tails and girls like pink-dolls.Now everything's changed.Its just cars,bikes,sex,rock 'n roll,alcohol,drugs et al.Sometime back,I had asked this little girl about what she wanted to be when she grew up."I wanna be like daddy".Thats what she had replied then.
Her daddy,I believe,was a compulsive alcoholic,who used to beat up his wife when drunk,make love to her wildly when not,work as a manager in an MNC,used to blame every other empty beer bottle for his miseries and used to smoke marijuana to get rid of them.
What is actually striking is that I wake up every morning with the realization that my life is going nowhere and I might actually end up being "this daddy".Maybe things wouldnt be as bleak and dark as I think.I am turning a bit paranoid nowadays.As in like the proper madman you will see in the asylums.The one who dreams about stars turning into atom bombs and falling on the city.The one who thinks every other human is actually the reincarnation of Satan himself.The proper mad types.
I'll tellya.Everytime I go to office and the car in front of me takes a sharp turn,I pray for a car crash.Or the wanting to blow up an oil truck with a shotgun.Things causing mayhem,you know.So that people are no-more bothered about their designer suits,faded jeans,ipods,computers,expensive cars.Yes,and just be bothered about living.Living so as to enjoy every meal,every relationship,and the every moment of it.Its so materialistic now.I get these thoughts all the time.As if being in a different place and enjoying all the creative destruction around.
I was thinking of writing a fiction post for my blog.This is what I wrote.
"The rain was drizzling outside.The pitter-patter of the rain drops echoing through the hallway.She sat there reading the magazine about the latest designer styles Beyonce endorsed.The fire in the fireplace suddenly arose and turned into a Chinese fire dragon and gobbled her up....."
All I'm saying that people like me are dangerous men.You never know when people go into a mindless frenzy.It maybe someone you dont know or it may be someone who is very very close to you.After all,I'm still one who listens to Dylan and believes Notting Hill is the most romantic movie ever.
You can call me a psycho.But I'm just imaginative.
I'm Dr.Jekyll's Mr.Hyde.
I'm Jack's unnerving irate desire to turn into something evil.


PS:*Khub ekla laagche!!!!*

Who's stupid!!!!

Everyone says I'm stupid.In a way,well ye,I'm a bit stupid.Especially after these.


At some private party,some time back.....Rohit,Me and Koli.Yes,I'm a bit drunk.
Rohit :Man,I heard that Shireen's aunt's cousin sister has passed away.....
Koli:Ohh!!Shit!.Shireen's aunt's who???!!
Me:Long live !The Queen is dead!!!
Shireen walks in.......................................
Me:Long Live ! She's dead!!!.....yaaay-yaaay-yaaay!!!...The Queen is dead...!!!!
Shireen:Who's dead???
Me:Zed's dead,baby,Zed's dead!!!!


At some CCD in South Calcutta........
Rahul:Hey Amit,wassup....
By the way Amit,This is Debanuj.
Me: Hi,dude.
Amit:Hi,man.
Rahul:So as Rishab was telling me about the whole deal,Amit had called up in between.....
Me:Now who the fuck is Amit???
*Everyone looks at me*


In Koregaon Park,while I was getting the tatoo done.
Me:Omigosh!!!..Its hurting!!..God,help me!!!!! Owwwww!!Its hurting.
*Everyone looking at me*
Sabby:I havent touched the needle yet!!!!
Me:Ohh!


Every year!
Summer.Me(sweating) :Why,God,why??You know I hate the heat!!!
Monsoons.Me(drenched) :Why,God,why??You know I hate the muddy rain!!!
Autumn.Me(trying to act sick) :Why,God,why??You know I hate the ..ummm....wind!!!
Winter.Me(freezing) :Why,God,why??You know I hate the cold!!!

All round the clock.Me: Why,God,why???????


Me,badly drunk,with a chocolate bar.College.About to propose to an unknown girl,three years junior.Rishi smirking ...ten yards away.
Girl incidentally called Jaita Ray.
Me:Hai,I'm Daevaanooj.Shee,Ai've found you pretty shweeet and allll.And I have shum speshaaal feelingsh phor you.
Jaita:Thats ok,*bhaiya* (Ka-ching!!!!).Actually I have a boyfriend,and I'm very serious about it.
Me:Ohh!.Thats ok,you have a great day.Bubye.
She leaves.
I eat the chocolate.Rishi joins in.


Shit!!I am the wierdly stupid one.!!!

" You have Noodles and coke with chocolate cookies!!!HAHAHA!! You are a Funny Little Man!!", he told me.


*Motherfucker!!!!*

Ideas and thoughts but no answers!

Its just one of those unusual Saturdays when you dont wanna spend the night drinking beer and swaying to music.This week.Chowki-Dani *check*.Its not just another barren land transformed into a cultural commercial festive abode like Delhi Haat or Swabhoomi.This is defintely DE place if you wanna experience the ethnicity of a Rajasthani hamlet.Body-massage by the fat-mouch'ed pehelwaans.A manual giant wheel.A puppet show.Teer-Dhonuk.Darts.Camels,horses and carts.A Big dong-a-ling with a giant hammer.Mehendi shops.Jotishees and palmists.Pottery art,where you can make your own stuff*I tried making a distorted chillum*.Refreshing Ganne-juice.Rajasthani folklore* I tried dancing*.Crimson doll shops. And of course the ethnic cuisine.
I saw the colours,the tunes,the people,the food.A total cultural harmony.Felt good,for a change.

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I mean why does it always have to happen with me??
*Now bear with me,you've probably heard me saying this a zillion times,but for time's sake,again....*
Love,crush,infatuation,moments.
Why was I chosen to fall for cute girls and not for hot ones?
I'm falling for every other cute,short,plump,straight-hairdo'd girl on the planet...errr...office.
Whenever I see one of those kinds *ahem!* Dil mein..Ektu thump-thump kore.
Ohh yes,I'm watching the DeathNote anime series now.I like it too.Maybe its cuz I'm done with the entire Prison Break series,Friends,Joey,Seinfeld.And I hate Lost.And I hafta gotta catch up with Heroes too.

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I saw "Flags of our Fathers".Another WW-II movie.But Eastwood,not Bruckheimer or Spielberg.Kintu ektu touched holam,cuz of the way it was shown.We never do remember the soldiers after the war.The brutality.The mental pain.They go through.This might not concern many.But I did know someone who died after the Kargil war.And also the fact that I wanted to join the army after my schooling.We salute them.Cheer them up.Vote on whether to go on war.Forget them.Abuse the defense policy of our country.Maybe its time we thought about them,their families.....after the shameless ordeal they go through.

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Ok,now for the second thought.I think I'm getting better at the psychic thing.I mean reading other's thoughts.My skills of deduction have improved.Rishi'ke koto baar murgi korechi!!..I'm turning into being the best.Maybe I should open a Private Investigation Firm.

*Thinking really hard and staring into the space just above the computer screen but...*

Yes,this would ultimately question me about what-the-fuck am I doing in a Company full of nerds and biaaatches and corporate whores and blah-blah-blah!

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ohh...aye! The pirate song for ye ignorant creatures!

"Fifteen men on the dead man's chest--
...Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!
Drink and the devil had done for the rest--
...Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!"

Excitement again!!! *Wriggling my fingers and eyes steamily glowing*

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And I'm suddenly missing Jadavpur and Park Street a lauhoooot!!!

Ok,We can all get funnily lost now!

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ohh PS: *Orkut presents *Today's fortune:

"Good news will be brought to you by mail."

Yaay-yaay!!..It did!!!

:)

F stands for ....????

I know this is the end...trust me....it is....no more wicked second thoughts,no more sympathetic-comebacks....this is so the-end-with-a-fullstop.
If they say I'm too weak-hearted not to tolerate it any more.....so be it....it aint a crime anyway.And then there are the show-offs,the lick-ass-wannabe's.....I cant really tell if im tired or its the breaking point.But these certain people believe they have that thing what you guys call 'attitude'....(whats with THAT word anyway!!!)...ask me!!..and ill say "No fucker, u dont have whatever you think you have"....
And then there's the english language.
"please do this na"......."I have no problems re".....You are a goddamn 'professional' unlike all of us,improve ur soft skills at least!!!!!!!!????????????!!!!!!.....
Disgusted is what I feel!!!!

Matheran kinda-office trip was good.......ate a bit....walked a lot...stopped,admired the pretty dense forests,and hills!!....walked some more....and then when I got tired...I walked again.But it was fun inspite of the odd-weather.
-----------> see the pics here <-----------

Also loved 300 and Namesake.besh besh!

BTW.....Have u ever heard the story of the CustardSpace......its magically amazing.....:-)

Ummm.... I met this poor family on the streets... the dad, the mom and their kid ... well , they
appeared to be poor. And yes , they were being shunned by most of the other by-passers...

I even gave them some money.. enough money,i think ...( no,i wasnt drunk, :-P ) ...i mean...I dunno if it was self-guilt or something..... but u know that inner voice...that gut feeling...which tells you.....

Oh well...i dunno if im going to the heavens as a good man..... but ill definitely go as a better one according to my conscience,i hope......

Light a Candle !

Spread the word (even if u think it doesnt help )


http://lightamillioncandles.com/


Watch the Ad!

Oh! Calcutta!

Born by the Ring

They called it lovely..it was ...and boring!

The darkness overshadows all....issgood!

Road to freedom

I generally work on nights like this.....1000 miles away.....

Anyone hungry( tee-hee-hee)!!!

My secret window view!

If only my lines could write my fate,i would have been dead by now!

I love Calcutta. The more i stay away from it....the more attached i become.....its only after we stay outta this city that we actually realize how beautiful a city it is.People can call it whatever they want....Yes!it is dirty and messed up.Yes!We do have countless number of strikes.Yes!the pollution level is really high.Yes!The government probably sucks.Yes!The weather sucks too and probably the next-door neighbour stinks too.But ................................... the maacher bazaar, the un-hygenic fuchka with a mouth-watering tingly taste, the roshogollas ,the park street,the ol' shyamol'da in some bookstore in college street, the biye baari and the panjaabi,a slow-tram-ride for the non-rushers............................

I was walking back home,when through the corner of my eye i saw someone staring at me.It was one of my para-rickshawalla's who used to take me to my kintergarden.I smiled at him.He smiled at me back.

It feels great to be recognised by someone ordinary,it felt great to be back.