I like it when its quiet around here.
No big shit hullabloo.Or talks about big things happening.
It does not really feel all that bad to take things a bit slow on the fast lane.Become a bit mentally lost,doing things all on your own without technology, and rediscovering the love for things long forgotten and wondering where exactly I went wrong.And why?
I have bought an old mud bike for 3 grands,which Im particularly proud of.I'm also drawing and doodling a lot nowadays,just for the heck of it or maybe for jee-jee. And I have finally begun to think politically and dressing up my teenage years.
All this does not really sound either happy or sad.But it just feels the laid-back slow.

"Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude;"

Nightfall will be coming soon and its winter.
If you think that people are loving you,it probably means that they are bearing up with your nonsense.Of course,this does not apply to long term friendships which normally defines the art of bullshitting.But,not many like bullshitting nowadays,it seems.So,you see the fault lies with the people and their judgment.Funny men comes in two categories,he's either a joker or a fucker.Im not sure whether I fall in any,or whether I aint funny and Im still one of those.It aint really strange how one line of late-night drunken merriness can ruin an otherwise happy evening.Neither it is strange to find people-you've-been-joking-with turn their backs and leave.Psychologists call that post pessimistic depression.Post,what post??!!..Pessimism,ok,whatever??!..Depression,me???!!...
Long words,big talk.I guess.
Imagine a thousand eyes glaring down at you.You are in that same chair.In that same dark room.
All this just makes it difficult to gulp.
And question the very existence you've been living for.


And I thank Rishi for introducing me to Cash music.His radio shows have become quite addictive.But I do walk the line too.

" In the plane,Tyler Durden turns to Jack.

TYLER: Wanna switch seats?
JACK: No, I'm not sure I'm the man for that particular job.
TYLER: An exit-door procedure at 30.000 feet. Mm-hmm. The illusion of safety.
JACK: Yeah, I guess so.
TYLER:You know why they put oxygen masks on planes?
JACK:So you can breathe.
TYLER:Oxygen, gets you high. In a catastrophic emergency, we're taking giant, panicked breaths...Suddenly you become euphoric, docile, you accept your fate.....

Tyler points to passive faces on the drawn figures, from the INSTRUCTION CARD.

TYLER: Emergency water landing, 600 miles per hour. Blank faces - calm as Hindu cows..

Jack laughs..........................."

I remember this scene from a famous cult-movie,everytime I travel in a plane and I chuckle to myself,when they show the emergency procedures.

I was in Bangalore last weekend,celebrating something,I do not really know.Lately,I have been tripping and living like a dumb-shit hippie.Of course,with long wavy curly hairs,late afternoon tooth-brushing,alternate day baths,monthly shaves,double t-shirts and torn clothes.
I had an air-hostess fart right on my face...I went to a great pub,learnt some shit.....I had a girl tell me how easy and gullible we,*men*,were...I got inspiration from a guy who's really young....I was mindfucked before being happy all over again...I missed one of my really close friends,who couldnt make it.The trip was really good,considering that I did not really go to re-discover myself or take up religion all-over again.But it was fun.

Just a day before this trip even happened,I really had this urge of leaving everything.It wasnt a moodswing,maybe a bit mindfuckedness.It was a shit serious feeling.I suddenly didnt want to go to Bangalore and also cancel my Calcutta trip.I wanted to leave my job.I wanted to tell everyone what I felt about them.And I wanted to scream at all those people who say I have a great life. I wanted to destroy something beautiful and I wanted to pick up a fist-fight with some certain-people.I wanted to shut out everything.I wanted to live and be happy and free.I wanted everything to be colourful around me. Everything. Two years back,I was a different man. I used to be cool,I used to be fascinated by techno-gadgets,I hated The Beatles and adored Ozzy,I thought Vodka was bliss.Its strange,how things and people influence our lives.
And it is very colourful now.Today,I can,in five secs,name ten people who care for me .There are loads of things I can do.Life's so meaningful and beautiful.I have been motivated,inspired.Its a positive feeling and suddenly everything's so happening.
So,if Mr.Roy calls me up just to temme that he's concerned for me when I'm depressed,I'll ask him to light up two joints for me and smoke it up.Just for the old times sake,matey!

Anwayy,signing off from this blog from Pune....and Happy Pujos,everyone! :-)

It was one of those discussions.

Yes,where words just seem to fade away.Go into the horizon.Through the ears.Into all the air around you.And you never seem to catch them.Its not withering.Its just the moodswings and the mindfuckingly drift.Everything seems slow down,sounds become clear.People around you just move far away,the background seems to be distant.The one-sweat-drop trickling behind the ears and the hum.The hum inside the brain.The ringing of the nerves.All that you can follow is the swirling trance of the nicotine smoke.

And then with one blink of the eye,you come back.

Back from the thoughts that has been reverbating and eating you up slowly.Where nothing else matters.Where one thought leads to another.The another leads to idea.The idea brings you to a sea of coloured judgements,beliefs,internal arguements,opinions et al.At the end,its just a myriad haphazard delirium of imaginative figments rushing in you.A euphoric disorientation is what you have been turned into.

And I just apologized for being a bit scatty unmindful .Thats what happened to me.

Anywayy,Mangalore trip was good.I dont feel like talking about it though.

It was just some nostalgic catching up.

3 friends.

Stories of life and the high seas and bosses.

The beach.

A port and a blinking-lighthouse.

Tasty fish-food.

Delicious local chicken dish.

11 litres of beer.

Packets of smokes.

A doctor,a sailor and a corporate whore.

A really long Volvo bus journey.

The Doors,Dylan and Anjan Dutta.

We kinda had it all.The decade felt good but it had passed.

Ohh,and one, ahem..... me!!, trying to be a Captain Jack Sparrow wannabe.

Dope-times again!!!

This will be more of a personal admittance post than those usual cribbing ones.

Ok,life actually doesnt suck,I make it suck.I am 2-fuckin-3,but it feels like 40.I've been feeling this terribly old for the past few weeks.The way I live my life,no more partying,just reading newspapers in the morning,going to office,read some books about the world,plan travel trips,drinking beer with friends and chatting about good ol' times,no more getting drunk,no more doing those fuck-up nonsense stuff.I might look 19-20 or less as some people say.Mentally Ive become old.But I'm glad it didnt really take much time to realize that.For most oldies,its still abhi-bhi-mein-jawaan-hoon at 50.They party,try to go to discs,clubs,put muscles on and watch cool hindi flicks.I've visited virtually all pubs and clubs in this city and I liked it in the beginning.The dancing,the little highs and then the madly-shots and the dancing and lights again.Now it aint cool anymore.Adda, and not just in bengali, is any day way more fun. Heehee.See I am just old.Just fucking old.Youth goes,huh.Hehe!

And lets get back to farewells again.September aint going good.Maybe its wake me up when September ends,but thats not the frikkin case.Three are leaving.Three of those I really do consider friends,as in the proper close ones.It'll be a bit depressing without them.
Tinky's moving to Delhi to pursue her exciting rich- journo career,probably will miss her the most,especially after all the nonsense we've done over the years and years and years.
But heh-heh!!
Mad Kuni's going to Dubai for doing something,which I dont really know.Maybe,she will try to get richer.And then accompany me to Vegas and open up a casino.
And then Shibu's pushing off to London to hump Brit and Scottish babes.Ok,for higher studies along with his babe,Taps.But my nigga brother has been a fucked up asshole to me.And a really great guy.
And of course,I will be road-tripping off to Mangalore today with Rahul.The trip's supposed to be fun,but I'm sure it'll be hell-tiring before I even reach there.I always prefer planes. :-P

Maybe,I need a girlfriend.I'm tired of being single and trying to flirt around with girls.Maybe,I need to settle down and meet someone beautiful and get serious in my love-life.Maybe,Rishi was right.Also about the getting-out-of-bed part.So,mossad,wink-wink,CIA's getting back!!!
And someday,I will get a flame-hot girlfriend and show-off to everyone like some of the people I know. I will also turn into a proper snobby superbitch then.Thats what most people do after they fall in love with someone hot.
Haha!
I'm laughing 'cuz no matter what I say,I always end up cribbin'..haha!!

A Salman Rushdie,a Cormac McCarthy and "the Million Little Pieces" just cost me a grand.Money would solve most of my problems.As in more money.I remember asking my parents for money before going for trips,before this job.And how easily they gave it without any qualms.Now its more calculated.Check out the cheapest flights.Maybe take the train.Ac/Non-Ac??...And end up going in a 15-hr bus ride.Ive loved every single penny of my parent's money.It becomes really monotonous to earn,spend and realize that you can not live on your parent's money anymore.

Probably technology was the best and the worst thing that happened to this age.People around me are acting way too cool with hi-tech gadgets.Wii's,PSP's,iPods,N-series cellphones.
The Stone Age was the best.Flintstones prove it.You never had to spend any money to eat,drink....women were naked.....there were nightclubs on every mountain.....bars were free.....more women were naked.....There were spears and swords,which are way more cool than guns....Caves were real estates...women would be naked ,even in winters..... Hindus,Muslims,Christians and other blah-blah had sex without cutting off each other's genitals...the Chinese never gave a shit to birth control....and other bloo-bah-bloo.
I really wonder how the world would be if I went some million years back.....
Like people worshipping weird slimy aliens,whenever they popped from the sky....and then every other human behaved like Archimedis,everytime they produced a fire-fall with two stones,riding on Dinos instead of Monster Trucks and shouting Hee-haw!!!...no wait,Dinos never existed then.Ok,Mammoths whatever.
But Im really not skeptical about the other 'ages' as well,like the Roman Era,Medival period,Dark Ages,Industrial Revolution,the World Wars and the holocausts...
(This is where I prove my history is really really weak)
Its just this age.Its not the 'kolijoog' or something.Its just...its too much tech-savvy.Somethings and some people around me are just pissing me off.Not that I dislike everything.Yes,I do have a really sad life story(as Rishi reminds me always) but there are somethings which I've begun to hate.
Ive developed this wierd ego of 'giving shit to whoever gives me shit'.That generally ends up in disliking most people around me.I have become critical about everything including the little girl who tries to ride a cycle.I hate my job,but thats common.Many of my friends with whom I used to have fun in this city have suddenly left this city.The other people who've managed to stay back are too morbid.My friends' big career successes and their fun-filled-life happiness is getting on my nerves.And lately,I've considered visiting a psychiatrist.Bum-Ho!
And what!!I've heard it a million times that I dont respect the country.Just because I think a bit unconventionally.Just because I really dont give a fuck to the retard Indian society.Because I drink and dope a bit.Because I speak English more than Bengali.Because I ape western culture(????).Because I watch more meaningful Hollywood movies rather than the masala Hindi flicks.Because because because......Maybe the people around should take a fucking look outside and change their thoughts about how my generation doesnt give a shit to culture and the country.Cuz it fuckin' does.Take a fuckin look around,people.Maybe 60 years of being a part of India's largest democracy doesnt really help.And yes,how my 'Great Indian 'company,still asks its employees to work on the Independance day,while talking about values,morals and culture.I do respect the founder a lot for starting a great Indian industrial and commerical revolution called Infffffo******.But working for firang clients and acting like a bitch on the country's independance day.C'mon!!and people actually call this patriotic and what my company Inf-uckin-osys has done for the country.Maybe I'm sorry.Maybe I'm not really.I think I'm far more capable of what people say about me.Maybe I'm not.But that doesnt change people for saying what they gotta.I guess some things never change.Not independance day.Or the Indian society and the people.
This is what happens when you work on a national holiday and still get no credits.

I invented the Pegasus.There is this supposedly metrosexual magazine which showed a new type of crew hair-cut that has been called Pegasus.I invented the Pegasus,way back when people never even knew what WTF meant.This is so not fair.I finally invent something and now strangers are taking advantage of it.Oh well,well.I was anyway suited to do better things in life...like being famous,opening up casinos,having my own beer and wine company,cruising along the Mediterranean,get rich so I can tell other people to "fuck off",blah-blah-blah.

I had this dream last day.I rarely have nightmares.But whaiteevaa!.It was pretty strange to meet the Devil in my dream.He did not resemble the usual beast-looking,red-skinned,double horned and forked tail Devil.In fact,he looked as cool as God himself.All dressed up in an Armani suit,I believe,and as suave as Mr.Bond.When he put me into the trance of experiencing evilness,I distinctly remember asking him.
Me:How come you exist....
Him:What do you mean,I exist,I'm just a fucking dream!!
M:Oh bugger,I didnt mean that.I meant how come you exist in this world.
H:I exist in you.
M:Dont you fuckin try mindgames on me,ok!If you are trying to psyche me out or antagonize me,you are sure doing a lousy job.
H:Ok,you humans believe in God.Thats why I exist.
He filled up a syringe with some fluid.And he punched it into me.I didnt even feel a thing.All I saw were colours.Bright vivid dazzling colours.

Ok,so what I'm wierd,a bit abnormal,a big haraam-jada and a bigger 'ch*tiya'.I'm still cooler than most of the usual people.And I'm a great singer when I'm drunk.Now how many of the other guys can do that,huh...huh,huh,huh....!!!!

PS:Babyboy's snapped and is on the run.Be careful.

One man to second man: I'm thinking of giving up blogging.
Second man to the one man:But where will your readers go when they need to hear somebody whine about how unfair life is?

I took this one up from one of Hugh McLeod's Blog cartoons.
Ok.I am the 'one man'.I am Psycho The WonderKid.I do keep writing about my daily woes and how I constantly crib and whine about my life.I wonder sometimes if we write blogs to show others how miserable and pathetic we are.And of course take a definite pride in being so.And then pry into others and read personal life blogpost incidents.Maybe some even practice voyeurism.Its all a relative thing.But the entire idea of a blog,I believe, is about the freedom of it.I mean no one can really charge you of criticizing or plagiarism,being imaginative or even cryptomnesia.
Yes,I did start up blogging just for-the-heck-of-it.Actually,I started blogging because a certain someone had once asked me to take it up.No,wait.I started to let out the emotions and dark feelings.I really dont know why I took up this writinn blogs.I did want others to read about what life had taught me.And what it didnt.Mainly,it was the didnt part.I never really learn much.Its like one of those things you get to see on the Saturday late night shows.You get to learn about a new thing and forget it as soon as you .......forget it.Its like an ex-convict never learns about domestic beating.That kind of learning.
I was 30-minute interviewed by some of my senior collegues about how much I should learn and in turn,self-improve by changing habits and being innovative.Innovative,I am.But changing,thats not really happening.Yes,so self-improvement is what most of the people lay stress on.Self-improvement is not rocket-science or a brain-rape.Well,it is a kind of rape.But self-improvement is self-improvement.Thats what everyone does.Trying to get better.And better.And better.Till they eventually think that being better is not really worth it.So lets die.
Its what each one of us do.In our mundane jobs,at house,academics,sports,financially.
I never did understand this term.I mean why improve when that improvement is actually not an improvement.You take the bloody pains of getting to that next level.And when you reach that level,you feel thats you've been stupid about going to that level and that you should have targeted higher.And this goes on and on.
Its just a type of mental masturbation.You realize its futile,but no does really thinks that.Why cant we just stay the same and then let improvement ( or whatever!!) happen to us normally.Hehe! There I go whining again.
Its all a brain-rape sitatuion,aint it.Just like this post.