Friday, June 08, 2007

Whats in a city name,anyway!!!

Delhi is a darn lucky city.Its our esteemed capital and even Hollywood likes it.It has not succumbed to the fate of getting its name changed either. Delhi is still the same old Delhi.Not Dilli or Deli or Dwelli or Dooglii.
Ive finally found out the reason why city names in India are changed so frequently.They say it cuz they wanna make it sound very Indian-ish and regional-ish.Last day I was watching this in some news channel,where a handful of this certain people are still protesting against the name "Bengaleru".Doesnt help,does it??

Ok,I'll start with my own homecity,Calcutta.I still do prefer to call it Calcutta.And not Kolkata.But officially im compelled to use the latter.Ok.This is totally according to my analysis
of the whole city-name-change syndrome in Indian politics.The name Calcutta was often mocked by certain Indians as "kalla-kutta",considering the large population of stray dogs,mainly black,living in the city.It was one of those days when the CM..or Governor...or maybe the PM...was startled by the report of the Stray-Dogs department of Calcutta on how our city name resembled the kala-kuttas and how insulting it was to the 'black dogs'.(I'm not talking about the famous scotch brand)The eminent leaders were consulted...along with all the literary big-shots,the artists,the filmstars...the local people,of course,were ignored.They passed the Bills,the Acts,the Affidafits...and all the other documents.Yes,Kolkata,City of Joy.

I like the story of Mumbai.The name-change drive was basically to ward of terrorists and D-gang members.You see,Bombay was the target of certain terrorist activity all throughout the 90's.So the Al-qaida,Osama,the henious Mohammeds and Ahmeds saw Bombay as "Bomb-Aye".It was an invitation.So they went around merrily bombing the entire city with whatever they can.As usual,they never gave a shit to our Aamchi-Mumbai public.The police force didnt help.The Army was busy in Kashmir.So the Government came out with the perfect solution.Change the name.No Bomb-word to be included in the city name.Mumbai,yes,the junta likes that.The public were happy.The terrorists were pissed off.So they bombed around a bit more.Damn.

Chennai was next.See,all this time when the country was thinking about black dogs and terrorists bombing,the city didnt get much attention.Madras was trying all the best to stay clean,ensure a proper city life for all its non-hindi speaking people.They were happy with their own little city,beaches and Rajnikanth.But they still didnt get attention.Veerapaan tried to get them some,but it didnt help much.I dont remember who it was.Jayalalitha or Karunnanidhi? If u break it up...Madras,becomes "Mad-ras"cals.This was good enough for them to change the name.Chennai.Everyone was happy.Rajnikanth celebrated by doing some Tamil item numbers with his stunts.But they still suffer from the complex that they aint getting an attention.Shit.

Bengaleru was more incident based.Bang-a-lore.The IT hub and the asia's pub capital had more people banging each other wherever they could.On the streets.In the pubs.Inside offices.In cars.Under lamposts.Everywhere.People became too much horny.Cases of rape and eve-teasing increased.When the people were done with,they started raping dogs.Of ccourse,not many in the democracy liked it.They tried Bengore.Blore.Bangy,naaah!Ye ye,I still have no clue why they kept the name as Bengaleru.Maybe its for the firangs.Maybe they get turned on.

I wonder why Chandigarh's name still remains same.Chandigarh literally means to have the "moon in ur ass" when transalated to hindi.The religious clerics are still cool with that.And so is the CBI.Or why Luck-now or Luck-no is still Lucknow inspite of Lady Luck real hard to make out there.
And then Hyderabad.Oh wtf!Their name hasnt changed.Fucken Hyderabadis!Scratch-scratch!

Some things in this world are strange.Most people are strangers.But then people do seem strangers when you are strange yourself.I sometimes think whether governemnts do not have any other work other than changing names of cities.Would that really help in our social ..caste....religious problems.They talk about harmony when all they really do is create a furore about which name actually suits our cities.Ha!

Ok,I have no clue why i wrote this post.This is as meaningless as my job itself.This is too amateurish and too worthless.And its my secret way of requesting the goverment to focus more on the people.


HARSHA said...

What an analysis man!! This is gonna put all those analysts on TV and print media to shame :P

On a serious note,isn't it time to visit a psychiatrist?

onnesha said...

damn funny man!i actually believed it at first till matters started becoming a little more incredible.
but seriously wats with teh government anyway.i wouldnt be surprised if some of ur observations actually turn out to be the one abt bangalore, for example.could be true,na?
shit.looks like this is contageous.i have lost it too!

Moo-lah Buzinezzz! said...

@harsha....I'm just a humble man with a humble job......
....and i've already thought of visiting a psychiatrist..
Fucken hyderabadis!!! :P

@onnesha....Seriously,are u even thinking that my logic is true!!!..??..Bangalore can actually be true...u know... :-P

Random Doodler said...

This is an extremely funny post. And i mean that in absolute seriousness.

coffee stain said...

chan di ghar bari....aka house

jesus.....dude you know and i know u and hindi....BIG uh uh
why try????

and aye for calcutta, i still use can you know...the telegraph still does!

Moo-lah Buzinezzz! said...

@random doodler!!!....why thank ya!!!

@roy....I meant chandigarh...chand-in-gand!!! :-P...twist it a l'il bit bay..twist it....
and calcutta...i use it too!!!

coffee stain said...

twist it...saala james brown'r er theke o beshi twist korte hobe

dreamy said...

This is really really really funny post!..I like the Bangalore thingie best!;)..and too uses Calcutta...sooooooo muchhhh better!

Moo-lah Buzinezzz! said...

damn!!..everyone likes bangalore story...horny people..!!!...[:P]...
But i still like bombay story!!!!

Poojo C. said...

Just one problem... I don't remember there being that many "kaala kuttas" in Kol (both prior to and post the name change)... they're brown mostly.

But Bomb-aye is yo! And Chando-garh... very yo!

Moo-lah Buzinezzz! said...

no no no...CAlcutta is yo-er!!!...