They denied me 20 grands.
But whats wrong in being a pessimist.
Everyone's not perfect.Everyone's not even close to being perfect.
There have been warps of complexities inside me for quite some time.
A sense of falling through the expectations and the ambitions.
So what,I think its all cool.Hahaha.It really is.

Sometimes its really fun to watch people during exams.
I mean,when you aint solving a thing,all you can do is watch.Of course,if you've done a night out,just sleep. Its really fun.Personally speaking,I go all my way out,to spend the initial minutes checking out the problems and the questions.The next 10-15 minutes are spent in blankly staring at a particular question and thinking "What the fuck have I been doing?".Not realizing,of course,that the guy next to me has started zombie-mumbling his gibberish calculations.And then the other bespectacled guy starts scratching his hair,the invigilator plays the tabla on his desk,the ringing silence in your ears.Its all so extremely random.So....
.....so,I go all the way out.
Blank answer pages.Doodle filled roughwork.Chewed pencil ends.
The satisfaction of quitting was never so sweet.Much much more than being that guy in the coloured newspaper.

Today's Track: Open Car by Porcupine Tree

Sometimes,the dreams ,I get ,are so horrifyingly real that they question my very existence.
So,yes.I have not been sleeping well lately. I suddenly wake up with a jolt,wipe of the sweat,drink water and try to get back to sleep,unquenched.
Over almost a month,Ive dreamt not just about human shaped monsters,killer families,betrayals,deja vu, psycho-laughters..............................................
Yet,there is no depression.No stress.
Its like entering into an entirely different realm when I close my eyes.
When I wake up,the sun just seems too bright.
Its like the madman in the local to whom no one would give directions.
Or the beggar who spends his day's earnings to gift his daughter a toffee,no one would sell.
Or the mother,who sits on the footpath,silently shouting for alms,so as to feed her dying son.
Maybe,its the way of balancing out.Give lots to some,and none to many.The scales dont shift.Its a perfect balance.
And yes,everyone still smiles at you while you drift past the withering flowers.
I am not a prophet,but its just not a just world.

If there was something I could do,to change all that.
Maybe,I would have done it.
Instead,I just lied.


Everything would have been different.
I could have said no and burned those clay figures I made.
I could have sulked,been arrogant and not look.
But yes,the colour of the hum and the serenity was beautiful.
I just got lured.
I got lured to the vast sea of chances,not knowing what lay beaneath.
Beneath there was dirt,grime and grunge.And some stains of daily filth.
I could not run,but I turned back to see,all whom I despise.
But then,all this pain is meant to wake me up.
Today its just a stone world.


Today's Track:Twisted Transistor by Korn